The Sinister Moose

 Me: Well, let's see. Mother wants an Outback Wagon, so I found one in Bloomington Illinois, to which we are trading the Impala SS. We will drive the SS there and the Subaru back. But first, I have to get two of the E12s ready for Andrew this af...ternoon, because he is delivering the Junkuar, sorry Jaguar. Once Andrew is gone, I'll be driving to Frankfort, so we can leave early Saturday morning. When I leave Frankfort, I'll be leaving the Turbo E34 there (temporarily), and bringing a Mercedes E320 home. I'm not sure if I'll stay over night in Frankfort or not. Lots of miles.

Brian: Are we adding to the fleet or just a weapons upgrade?

Me: The E12s are going to a good home. Mother bought the E320 a few weeks ago, and does not really like it, so Christee may end up driving it. The E12s were swapped for a '94 XJ6, which needs a head gasket. Christee's Lexus is running now that all the water damage has been fixed. The E34 needs an alternator. The vehicle situation has gotten out of hand.

Brian: Mid 90s Naguar 6 violating the compression/coolant/oil DMZ, h-gskt? That settles it, Carlie is a glass-half-full guy for sure...... Along the same lines... I want a pony, I want ice cream..... Ah, Air Force optimism.

Me: Aim High! Is the motto, because we couldn't be bothered with learning to adjust the targeting equipment. LOL So far the Naguar is only violating the combustion/coolant barrier. It's like an 18th century british steam locomotive. Thankfully,... our fine friends at FoMoCo stepped in an kicked Lucas "Prince of Darkness" to the curb when it comes to the blinking and flashing bits. And if the car needs a head, I'll pull the 4800 pound 4.0 liter six out and chamber a bow tie brand small block. That should make things interesting.

Brian: Putting a mouse in a cat.... are you really trotting out that old chestnut? Humor me, just go outside for a while.... I want to rule out a gas leak or CO build up in your home..........

Brian Again: Wait.... this just in..... Sodium Silicate, it's not just for floor wax anymore.......

Me: Harmful gaseous emissions aside, The cost of a replacement 4.0 that is known to be good is around $600, the problem is, for how long will it properly observe the rules of combustion/cooling delineation. The mouse motor is a fairly reliable, if antiquated, technology. I suppose it would be asking too much to swedge a 454, or 396 rat under the low slung bonnet. I'm sure with that much power, other bits of the drive train would reach escape velocity.

Me Again: I'm not going to glass line the cooling system. It's an interesting prospect, but the logistics of using sodium silicate are nearly as daunting as swapping out the head gasket.

Brian: First, I am unaware of any ever produced that would qualify as 'known good', second the AlGore wanted me to remind you that if you proceed down this path you are prohibited from making the O2 sensor circuit a one way street. On your second point, I think glass is pretty...

Me: o2 sensor? No thank you, I'll use a carb. Carbs have those little twisty things that make it easy to adjust how many dinosaurs it's squeezes per foot. Since our little slice of heaven can't even spell catalytic, there's no fear of ever having a sniffer stuck in it's exhaust port. Besides, there's nothing that sounds as good as an unburdened quadrajunk attempting to feed chunks of sliced dolphin into a 5.7 liter fuel processor.

Me Again: Oh, and I think there were very few "good" feline six cylinders. There were a few good 12 cylinder versions, so cutting a good motor in half, makes it half as good. Obviously my logic is logical.

Mike: Sounds like you plan on keeping the Junkuar. I'm sure the operators at www.jagsthatrun.com are standing by...

Me: I'll probably go with the John's Kit out of Texas. They have a complete one-stop-shop kit that'll do the conversion.

Brian: Ah, carburetors.... just the thought makes me wax nostalgic. How I long for the return of that venerated method of internal combustion aspiration. I often lament it's banishment from the sphere automotive, left to languish in the nether world of lawn mowers and bongs.

My Wife: The only thing I understood about this entire conversation is Christee will probably end up driving the Mercedes.

Brian: 99.999% of earth's population wouldn't understand, it's kinda like gene splicing. Let me translate. Carly has many options, Carly may alternate between euphoria and funk, Carly has chosen to fight the good fight. Also, no such thing as 'too much beer' and remember just because a car does not always start, that does not mean progress was not made...........

My Wife: Actually, I also understood, "I want a pony, I want ice cream."

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